The past month or so I have been working at a Bar. It started out me just waitress to help out a friend and then I ended up on the schedule. I was having fun and making lots of money, but something inside me was changing. I found myself going out all the time and drinking a lot more than usual, don’t get me wrong I like to drink with dinner or maybe watch a movie and drink ONE OR TWO, but I was drinking a lot more than one or two.
I was losing my identity. My friends didn’t know who I was anymore, and I didn’t know who I was. I had no time to see any of my good friends for them to tell me I was an idiot and becoming someone else. My life was becoming very dark. I like the people I work with but they are stronger than me. I wasn’t strong enough to work there and not let the bar change who I was.
It was hard for me to see this and I didn’t want to believe it because the money was so good. I was just thinking if I could keep this up for a couple of months and save the money I could be back in school in no time. That thought is most likely very true, but the risk of losing myself and becoming someone different isn’t worth it at all. I would die to go back to school but I want to be me when I go back.
I am not meant to work in a bar. I am not strong enough. God did not make me that way. I fail and became dark when working there. Drinking is common in my family and it can damage me. I much rather be poor and broke but in love with God and living in the light than where I have been.
It’s scary for me to know that I will now be going from having three jobs to one. I gave up my job at Action because I was dumb and picked the bar over it. I have talked to them and may get that job back but until then I will be working at just Bogie’s and hoping to get my life back into the light. I will have lots of free time and I hope I can use it for good. Everything starts with a leap and then you have to keep running or you will fall. But I already feel better knowing that I took the step to get out of the bar and back to the light.
